


Chrysanthemums

by Auwynn



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, I could barely handle writing this, M/M, Resuscitation AU, Supernatural - Freeform, but I had to vent it out somehow, lots of hurting, well not that many supernatural elements in it but we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-07 06:00:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1887585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auwynn/pseuds/Auwynn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been two years since Levi's death. Eren has been visiting his grave every day, leaving chrysanthemums on his tombstone, reminiscing their life together, and telling him just how empty their apartment was without him. He still cleaned his study every day, almost hoping he would come back.<br/>But unlike every other day, today he got an unexpected phone call.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was _greatly_ inspired by Supernatural, specifically the first episode of season six. I felt overwhelmed by these two when I watched it so I had to vent it out.  
>  These two little shits might be OOC but that's just how I pictured them in my head. They're also grown ups, Eren in his mid-twenties and Levi already getting started on his early thirties.  
> Major Character Death warning just in case, lots of feels are a cometh, sorry if it hurts. :(
> 
> PS. Apologizing to Cathe and Suzu especially, don't hate me girls. And big thanks to Cathe for giving me the title idea, much love. ♥
> 
>  
> 
> _Eren's POV_

It’s been nearly two years.

I’ve been going to his grave for nearly two years, leaving flowers on his tombstone. Chrysanthemums. He liked those flowers a lot, for no other reason than he just did. So I thought he would like it if I brought him a bouquet of chrysanths whenever the previous one withered.

Today I had to change the bouquet again. The flowers had died earlier this time, probably because of the weather. It was getting colder every day we got closer to the winter solstice, days were getting shorter, and my life was getting emptier. For three years, we lived together, shared an apartment, shared a life. For three years, we picked up each other’s habits, argued over silly things, and cuddled on the couch by the fireplace.

For two years now I have been grieving his death, in an unhealthy way probably. I couldn’t let go of him, I didn’t want to. So I always did his laundry every two weeks, tidied his study even though I never used it. I simply wasn’t ready to let go. He made himself a place in my heart, and took it away with him when he died. People think I’m unhappy like this, but I really do feel like I am, perhaps not as happy as I would’ve been if he were still alive and breathing. I’m happy because I still have the memories of us freshly engraved in my mind.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I can almost see him in pajamas sitting at the dining room table, one leg raised and resting on the base of the chair, left arm slumped over his knee holding a book, right hand absently holding his coffee mug close to his mouth, tip on the lips. Some other times, he’s working at his desk, fingers swiftly typing on his laptop keyboard, eyes focused on his screen. His hair is always as perfect every time, precise undercut and straight bangs. He feels real, and alive, until I blink and the vision disappears.

I guess I’m just scared that I’ll end up forgetting about him at some point. I can’t bear the thought of forgetting his ruffled up morning hair, his endearing frown when I forget to wash the dishes, his groaning at me when I try to get up when we’re cuddling… I don’t want to forget any of that, but there is no way I’ll remember all of those details once I let go, is there?

That’s why I visit his grave every day, and tell him about what we used to do, ask him if he remembers that one time we went to the summer fair and kissed on the big wheel when it hit midnight, or the one time he resigned and let me order pizza when I forgot I was supposed to make dinner that day.

I splashed some water on his grave, throwing away the wilted flowers and replacing them with the new bouquet. Last week’s were orange chrysanths, this time I decided to go with the pink ones so I don’t slip into a routine, as monotonous as visiting my lover’s grave can get. “It’s almost been two years, you know,” I said, voice wobbling its way out. “I still don’t know what to do. I can’t move on, Levi, I just can’t, and I don’t want to.” And I sat there, cross-legged in front of his tomb, fat tears pearling down my cheeks, telling him about how I haven’t gotten over the habit of cooking dinner for two, setting up two chairs, two glasses, two plates.

I have yet to figure out why I keep coming here to talk to his tombstone. He’s not even in it. His body was never buried, because not much was left of it. Two years ago, by the end of December, Levi got possessed by a demon. Sounds unearthly but it did happen. He had told me, long before we started dating and moved in together, that he used to hunt demons, but gave it up because it got too redundant for him. And that’s why two other hunters came to me, at five in the morning, telling me that Levi got possessed and they had to kill him. But not just stab him in the heart, no. They had to torch the demon’s bones, or whatever it is they tried to explain to me, but I wasn’t making anything out of it. Except that Levi had now turned into ashes and burned down flesh, nothing could be salvaged from him and I didn’t want to disperse his ashes. I thought it would give me closure, and I didn’t want closure.

I’m still trying to make sense out of what they told me. “We had to _get rid_ of the demon, not just exorcise it.” “He’s a very powerful one, and he broke Levi’s body far beyond repair, he was done for anyway.” “Levi told us, before quitting, that if anything like that ever happened to him, he would want us to do what we did.” “If we had let it escape by exorcising it, it would have taken us _decades_ to find him again.” They kept repeating this over and over, but it didn’t feel like they saved him. To me, it felt more like murder.

I was never expert at hunting, I have never seen an exorcism either, but it was still _unfair_ to me. It’s not any less _evil_ to sacrifice a human soul for a demon than let that vile creature escape and hunt it down any other way. But since I was never introduced to _that_ world, I couldn’t really blame them any more than I already did, taken I had no idea how to get rid of a demon at all to begin with.

I finished cleaning the stone, set the flowers down and pushed myself into a standing position when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I picked it up, ran a hand on my face to wipe the tears away and coughed to make my voice more stable before picking up the call.

“Hey, Eren. I know you don’t really like talking to me, or to Erwin either for that matter, but I need to ask you something important.” I blankly stared at the ground, trying not to snap at Hanji on the phone. She never really called except to tell me about Levi, and to ask once or twice if I was still holding it together a few days after the ‘funeral’. “Sure, what is it?”

“Are you free today?” “Uh, yeah, it’s Friday afternoon, I don’t have anything to do tonight. Why?”

“We’ll come to your apartment at 6 pm, I have something important for you.”

\---

5:57 pm. Hanji and Erwin were very punctual, they would probably be at my doorstep at 6:00 sharp. I took off my scarf and coat and left them on the arm of the sofa in the living room, and by the time I downed a glass of water, my bell rang. I looked through the bull’s eye to find Hanji, looking stern almost by obligation. She was fidgeting a lot. I let her in.

“I suggest you go take a seat, Eren. The next few minu—hours are going to be eventful to say the list.” She pushed me back into the living room and pushed me down onto the sofa, not answering my quizzical looks. “Hanji, what’s going on—“

“ _Eren._ ”

I froze in place, wide-eyed. That voice, that intonation, it could only belong to _one_ person, and that person was dead. “Le…vi…?” I turned towards the voice, holding on to the sofa so hard it could tear apart anytime. It might have, and I couldn’t care any less.

He stood there, in the middle of the hallway, adopting an almost military stance. He wore an oversized coat, hands tucked in its pockets. His pupils were still as piercing as I remembered them, but he had deep bags under his eyes, his face looked slimmer, thinner, bonier even: his cheekbones, that only showed up when he smiled, were very salient now. He looked very pale, like a ghost – but I didn’t want to think about that. I didn’t want any of what happened two years ago to matter. He was back, in flesh apparently, I don’t know how he did, nor _what_ brought him back, but I couldn’t care less.

“Oh my… god…” I uttered, still not grasping the reality of it. What should I do?! Get up and embrace him? Ask questions? Deny it all and leave? What are you supposed to do when your boyfriend comes back from the dead after two years?

Levi just gave me a soft snort, and his lips crooked up. He extended his arms as his eyes softened up, and I think he started tearing up a little. “Just get up and hug me, you dumbass.” He needn’t tell me twice. I got up so quickly I nearly got dizzy, but that didn’t matter. I almost tripped on my feet, and he will most likely remember that forever and make fun of me for it, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered was my arms around him and his tiny, almost skeletal body against mine.

I ran my fingers through his raven black hair, smelled into his neck, pulled on his coat. He was the exact same Levi I had seen before leaving for work that day two years ago, except he was thinner, and looked and felt weaker. I couldn’t fight the tears, so I just let them flow, dampening his shoulder and holding him tighter. “Thank god… I had no idea what to do with my life anymore… thank god you’re back.” And that’s all I kept saying between bated breaths, sobbing away at the realization that I was finally touching him _again_.

“I’d like to believe that ‘god’ actually has something to do with this.” Erwin walked up next to Hanji, staring at me with severe eyes and crossed arms. Levi raised a hand towards him, to which he arched an eyebrow. “Seriously Erwin, not now.”

\---

After Erwin and Hanji had left, making sure I was okay, I couldn’t decide what would make me happier: make dinner for the two of us and finally have someone sit opposite me at the table, or just not have to sleep alone tonight. Levi was sprawled over the couch, a mug of hot chocolate in hand, snuggled up in the corner surrounded by pillows and covered with his favorite blanket. I will never say it enough, I missed that. I missed that cozy feeling, not doing anything but cuddling by the TV, watching the reruns of old TV shows we couldn’t bear to watch anymore.

“Don’t just stand there and stare at me, we have some cuddling to catch up on,” Levi said with an almost content smile on his face. Something tells me he was waiting to say those words as much as I was waiting to hear them. I complied, quickly jumping onto the couch and lifting his legs over my hips. If I could just sit here and stare at him _alive_ and _breathing_ I don’t think I would need anything else. So I kind of just did that, slowly stroking his cheeks, once with my palm, once with the back of my hand, sometimes leaving a kiss on his forehead, then once and for all settling by his side, legs tangled, one arm under him stroking his side, one arm over him caressing his chest.

I would every now and then look up at him through my eyebrows and completely melt away at the sight of him dozing off, trying to fight with his drowsiness. It was really heartwarming, but excited as we both were to be reunited, I could see just how exhausted he was. It’s not the kind of exhaustion that settles in after an entire day of working, no. It looks more like the kind of fatigue that takes over you after you’ve spent years and years repeating the same task over and over again. He didn’t look old, he still looked the same, but _not exactly_. His features used to make him look a certain blurry age, as if he was stuck in time, carved out in stone. Now he looks older: the dark circles under his eyes, the milky pale skin, the bony face and skeletal hands.

I chose not to pay attention to it too much tonight. He was back, and that’s all I needed to know. He didn’t want to bother leaving the couch, so we settled there, drinking hot chocolate and stuffing our faces full of pizza. Whatever happened between his death and today was futile. He didn’t want us to talk about it, so we didn’t.

And I won’t think about it either.

\---

When I woke up, I couldn’t find Levi next to me. My heart stopped. There was still some of his warmth around me, his print on the couch was still there, but he wasn’t. I immediately got up, eyes burning and throat clogged, my stomach was churning at the idea that he had left again, that I had possibly just dreamed of him yesterday. What time was it anyway?

6:21 a.m. He couldn’t have possibly gone anywhere, right? I fumbled my way out of the living room, running up the corridor, not finding anyone. “Levi. Levi?” I called out, no answer coming my way. “Levi?!”

“What?”

I turned around, scared out of my wits. It was completely silent and dark in the apartment. “You’re here…” I whispered, feeling the lump in my throat dissipate with a loud sigh. He wasn’t gone after all. I wouldn’t have to go through that pain again, after all.

“Yeah. I’m here. I was in the bathroom for 5 minutes…” he said, raising an eyebrow and looking at me quizzically. “Eren, are you okay?”

“I am, why?” “Because your voice is wobbly and you’re crying,” he said, with a matter-of-fact look on his face, cupping my face with both hands. “Look at me. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. Let’s not even talk about that happening.” He started stroking my cheeks with his thumbs, still staring at me in the eyes, not wavering one bit. “I won’t leave you again, I promise. I’ve missed you. For two years, you were the only thing on my mind, and I’ve wanted to come back to you that entire time, so I’ll be damned if I’m taken away from you again, I’ll find my way back. Every time, you hear me?”

I nodded, feeling my eyes overflowing with tears again. “Yes, I hear you.” I couldn’t help but to smile, Levi just knows how to reassure me, he knows how to pick the right words, every single time. “So don’t worry if I’m not by your side, I’ll find my way back to you.” And with a faint smile, he pulled me down and locked our lips in a kiss, our first in a very long time. It couldn’t be anything but soft, affectionate, and short.

“Now you go back to sleep, you look like you’re going to pass out and faint on the floor at any moment.” He proceeded to brush me off as usual, walking away towards the study. I chuckled, heart feeling larger than ever. “It’s nice to have you back home, Levi.” “Nice to be back and finally have good food again, too,” he replied, throwing a hand in the air with his thumb up.

‘Finally have good food again’? We’ve had pizza for dinner, and he usually hates it. “Wait, what do you mean? Levi, how long have you been back?” He wasn’t the kind of person to look forward to _eating_ anything, much less not complain about pizza at all. Levi stopped in a heartbeat, resting a hand on the wall. “A year and a half.”

My stomach dropped. He has been back for more than _a year_ and only came back to me now. I didn’t know how to feel about it. My body knew it was something bad, that I probably couldn’t handle, since my knees were shaking, weak. “Wh-what… you’ve been back for that long and you only show up now—“ “Hanji doesn’t call you that often, does she?”

_What?_

“What the fuck does that have to do with anything?” “I had no idea how you were doing, if you had gotten over me or not, if you had cleaned out the apartment. How the fuck was is supposed to know what my coming back to life was going to do to you?! You obviously didn’t like Erwin and Hanji on the get go because _they_ delivered the news of my death to you, so apart from guessing, I had no other way to know how you dealt with any of the grieving crap people go through. I didn’t want to just come crashing back into your—into our life after being gone for months on end, so I went to see those two first. They were used to supernatural occurrences, if a fellow came back to life it wouldn’t shock them out of their wits.” He had a point, as much as it hurt that he didn’t come to me first. He was right. “For the entire time I’ve been back I tried to get used to life _on Earth_ , and tried not to think about you too much but,” he scoffed, turning his face a little towards me, “it was a little impossible.”

He had an unusually fond and loving smile on his face, looking at the floor with a frown. He does it a lot when he concentrates to find his words. “I couldn’t not live without you, you know that, Eren. I wanted you so badly, I lost count of how many times I wanted to call you or even knock on the door. I couldn’t eat or sleep, knowing you were still here, probably crying your heart out thinking I was never coming back when I was just a few miles away. And even if my only wish for you was that you could live a happy life without me, the biggest part of me wanted to say ‘fuck it’ to all of that.”

“So all it takes is for you to open up about your feelings is die a horrible death and resuscitate a few months later, huh?” By all means, I had to spit out an idiotic response at some point, right? Levi got used to it by now though. He could tell that I was using those words as a façade to how I really felt. Yes, I could be mushy and corny at times, and obviously more often than him, but this time I couldn’t. I was too _happy_ that he was back, I couldn’t process my words. He was here anyway, I had time to tell him how much I missed him, and how much more I loved him.

“For fuck’s sake, I’m here spilling my heart out and you had to retort with something stupid again.” He snorted, shaking his head a little before finally entering the study. “Uh, Eren?”

I followed him in, thinking I had forgotten to put away the cleaning products the previous morning. “What’s wrong? Did I forget something in the room or what?” The room looked normal to me, as far as I could see with the dim light of the riding sun coming through the window. “It’s the same. Why is my study still the same?” he asked, as if it had been the most illogical thing to happen. “Eren, when your partner dies, you usually empty out your place of whatever belonged to them, why is this room still here?” He sniffed the air a little, and I could see one of his eyebrows raise a little from where I stood behind him. “Did you… clean up the room? Have you _seriously_ been cleaning up this room every day since I died? What if I was never coming back, what would you have done?” He turned around, looking both horrified and surprised. Probably horrified at how unusual it was for me to clean anything up of my own accord, and probably surprised that I hadn’t broken anything. That, I’ll have to take a note of and nag him about at a later time.

For now, I just rubbed the nape of my neck, feeling it heat up a little, so I smiled to dissipate the blood I could feel pumping up towards my face. “I just always knew you would come back.” As a response, Levi brought a hand up to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to look disappointed, despite the big smile drawing its way on his face.

“Jesus Christ, you’re an idiot.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren is still in the dark concerning Levi's 'job', but not for long.  
> And now he knows that Hanji and Erwin hanging out in his study will _never_ bring good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the fastest I have ever updated a fanfic, omg!  
> And to everyone who left a kudos and/or a comment, bookmarked and/or subscribed to this fanfic, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! ♥ This is just one out of many other Ereri fanfics out there so it makes me really happy that people are paying attention to this and are even eager to read it, thank you again (and sorry for the hurting, hahaha...ha...haa.... -sits in a corner and wails over my own ideas-). ;__;
> 
> ps. You can find me [here](https://twitter.com/auwynnn) on Twitter if you just want to talk or give me any feedback about this! I'd really appreciate it, thank you in advance. ;-;
> 
>  
> 
> _Levi's POV_

I can’t really sleep anymore.

The first day I came back home, I slept a maximum of five hours I think. Despite feeling Eren’s warmth around me and his head nudged in my neck, I couldn’t sleep, as relaxing as that felt. I don’t yet know what it is that keeps me awake, really. Maybe coming back from the dead does this to people? I don’t honestly know, it’s not like I’ve got a guide on how to get back in shape after your life has been breathed back into you. If anything, I can keep researching, anything from demonic possession facts that I don’t know about or resurrection or any kind of crap that could explain why exactly in God’s name I’m back on my two feet.

And that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. Since I can’t enjoy the comfort of our bed anymore, I might as well use my time to find out who brought me back, and _why_. So I spend my days reading, researching, and basically cussing at the sky because I haven’t found anything and it’s been a week.

I probably went through hundreds of websites just this morning, to no avail, to which point I just closed my laptop and leaned back on my chair, rubbing my nose bridge in frustration. I didn’t want to call Erwin or Hanji and ask them for help, I hated that. I’d most likely only think of it as a last resort, after draining absolutely all of my resources, and only reluctantly. But my own personal research has hit a wall, and I can’t proceed any further on my own. They might know what I don’t, or they might not, for all I care. They might give me ideas however, and that’s more than I need right now.

“Levi, it’s six in the morning, why are you still awake…” I hardly winced at Eren mumbling his way into the study. I should have been startled but I wasn’t. It was in my character not to be surprised by that kind of thing, but this time I just didn’t notice he was around at all. I sighed.

“Couldn’t sleep.” I kept my stance, nose bridge pinched and head thrown back, feeling a coming headache. “And there’s no more whiskey, we’re going to need more.”

“More? You’ve already downed two bottles this week, what more do you need?” “More whiskey, like I just said?”

I was expecting a little laugh to escape his mouth but all I heard was an exasperated loud exhale. Well _that_ was unexpected. “What have you been doing the entire week, anyway? You’re barely in bed anymore when I wake up… I haven’t missed my boyfriend an entire two years for him to crawl out of bed in the middle of the night and cheat on me with some stupid books about whatever.”

“Really, Eren? _Really_?”

“I’m just worried, okay? You barely sleep anymore, and I have no idea what you’re doing in your study all day long. You don’t even eat and all you’ve ingested since you came back was that one slice of pizza from last week and two bottles of Jack Daniels.”

I sighed again, turning my head to look at him. “Do you really want to know what I’m working on? Because if you can’t take it then don’t come crying in my skirts because you weren’t ready.”

“Aw, come on, you know me better than that.” He walked up to me, wrapping his arms around my neck to leave a peck on my cheeks, I grimaced. “Good morning, by the way.”

“Morning. Please do me a favor and take a shower, you reek of sleep and I can’t stand it.”

“Pffft, yeah whatever.”

\---

“Are you sure you want to do this so early in the morning?”

“ _Yes_ , Levi, I already told you a million times, I’m tired of being left in the dark when everyone else around me knows what’s going on.”

I ran a hand on my face, rotating my chair towards the sofa where he sat, legs crossed with a mug of hot chocolate in his hands. “Okay, fine. Exorcisms?” Eren nodded, as if giving me permission to go on.

“It’s really simple. When a demon possesses you, your conscience is shoved somewhere it can’t control your body anymore, but in most cases, you’re still aware of what’s happening around you so you can actually remember everything the demon does with and to your body. And that sucks ass, because even though the demon doesn’t die when your body is thrown off a skyscraper, you do.” I stared at a wrinkled spot on the sofa, making a mental note to iron it later on once all of this ordeal is dealt with. I sighed at it then went on with my explanation.

“If you want to exorcise a demon, the best way to do it is by forcing it into a devil’s trap – which is not easy, tie it to a chair, shove salt and holy water down its throat until it spills out what it knows, if precious information there is. If not, just read a Rituale Romanum and it should do the job of sending it back to Hell.”

“What’s that ‘ritu whatever’? Why does it work?” Good grace his questions could be annoying sometimes.

“I don’t fucking know. All I know is that it works and that’s all that matters to me.” “Yeah, but—“ “Eren. I’m not religious or anything, I was taught that thing worked so I used it. I don’t know how or why and I couldn’t honestly care less right.”

He hummed silently, staring at the floor, chin rested on his mug. “If exorcising is so easy, why did you… you know. Why did they have to…” “To? Torch me? Burn me alive? Good question.”

The way I was dealing with my own death so easily made him seemingly sick. He started breathing louder and faster, then calmed down a few seconds later. “Demons are actually humans that took the wrong curb. They did so many bad things that eventually their soul turned from that pure speck of light into pure evil. There is a lore that says it’s easy to completely get rid of a demon by torching its bones. And by that, I mean the bones of its original body. No one truly verified it until, well, two years ago.”

Eren’s face switched from a nervous but serene face to an angry, mad frown. I can’t tell if he’s confused or angry, actually. “Why wouldn’t they just exorcise you then? I mean, why did it have to be _you_?”

“Huh? So it’s fine if someone else gets roasted but it’s an ignominy when it happens to me? The demon that possessed me was extremely powerful, it was a once chance in a lifetime for us to get rid of it. It had already gotten rid of almost every single other hunter I knew, and I wasn’t going to let that chance slip through my fingers just like that, was I?”

“But you could have survived! Why would you throw your life away for a filthy demon?”

“Simply because I was already dead when they tied me to the fucking chair, Eren.”

I didn’t realize I had raised my voice, until it reverberated back into my ears and Eren spilled some of his chocolate milk on his pants. He instantly looked down at the wet patches on the fabric, as if I had just scolded him for being a bad puppy and he was trying to make up for it by looking pitiful. The little idiot knew how to make me regret my actions, that little shit. I got up to sit next to him, bumping my shoulder with his. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.” He just nodded a little, and we stayed there for a while.

I really missed the way he towered me even just a little bit. Even if I felt like I was the one who effortlessly protected him all the time, the way his height somehow shielded me was very comforting. Just as I was about to throw an arm around his shoulders, he turned to me and opened his mouth. “So… do you remember how you died, then?”

Honestly? If it weren’t for the rest of his personality I would still be questioning my feelings for him. I just stared at him, with a static face, scanning his expression to see if he was seriously asking me that. And he was. I deadpanned, short on words to describe just how socially unfit he was. “You really have not changed at all. I thought you’d have at least picked up tact as a skill after all this time.”

“Well, I’m used to you not giving a shit and just brushing it off,” he shrugged. “It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me now. Or ever. You’re here, that’s what counts the most.”

I laughed at that, probably for the first time in forever. I could not believe how cheesy he could be sometimes, even though I felt like I knew him forever he still surprised me with his corny little lines.

“Jesus Christ, Eren, you’re turning into the female lead of a soap opera, get it together.” I flicked his nose and he moved away, making a face and cussing under his breath. Granted, I did spend more time than I should have trying to solve the mystery of my coming back to life, and way too little time enjoying his company. Eren was really sweet, if anything. Adorable in his own awkward way, I loved that about him. The little sod spent two years trying to get over my death too, he most likely had it harder than me but I only just noticed it now.

I needed to be a little more affectionate, or just to not let my research take up all of my time. I can tell he didn’t want to ask for anything, so I thought he just didn’t need it. I’m shit at reading his needs, he knew that when we started dating. Yet he stuck around anyway, and to this day I still don’t know why he’s so attached to and fascinated by me. I ruffled his hair a little, running my thumb on the nape of his neck. I could see him flush and turn red by the second. _He’s much cuter when he shuts up_.

I pulled him closer, leaving a peck on his temple and watching a smile pull on his lips. He always chewed his lower lip to stop himself from smiling, but it never worked.

“You stupid dork, I love you.”

\---

“Focalor, you say?”

Erwin and Hanji swung by after a while, to discuss hunter matters. Apparently, the news of my resurrection made a fuss _down there_ , so the demons have been crazy about trying to find me. It made no sense to me, why would they need me so much.

“Yes.” Erwin cleared his throat, unbuttoning his blood drenched shirt to throw it in the washing machine. I don’t think anything could have fussed me more than that in the past, but I don’t think I could care less right now. He had more scars on his chest and back than I had ever seen on him. I had to ask him about it later, because they both never came back this bruised and battered whenever they’d left the past year. Weird.

“What’s that?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

“It’s a demon, obviously. Second most powerful one we’ve met so far, after—” Hanji immediately jumped in, pushing her glasses up with a matter-of-fact look on her face. “Asmodeus, yes! It’s the name of that demon that possessed you! We found out he was the ’ _king of the demons_ ’, no wonder he was so hard to kill.”

“Hanji. Really… calm it down.” Erwin gestured at her, and waved his hand in front of me. “ _Guys_. I had a year and a half to get over it, and so did you.” I walked up to the study, grabbing a Jack Daniels from the cupboard and a couple of shot glasses, sat on my desk chair and stared at them with a frown, at Hanji especially because she couldn’t sit still. She didn’t look exceptionally happy about what she was going to say it seems, because the jittering came with a very stern and worried face.

“Okay, so. Focalor. He’s out there and he’s been looking for a vessel for a while now, possessing humans left and right and leaving them for dead after they can’t handle him anymore. And apparently he’s been looking for you because _well_ for starters you managed to handle Asmodeus and he’s the most powerful demon there is or that we’ve so that kind of makes sense as to why he sent demons after you because he needs you now.” She took a deep breath and stared me in the eyes, waiting for a reaction.

“Hm. How could I possibly be a good match for him? I’m _exhausted_ , I can barely lift myself out of bed on my own lately. I don’t think I can handle another demon,” I scoffed, closing my eyes and gulping down a shot. “I’m lucky enough I got brought back to life after that. Or am I?” I shrugged.

“I was an idiot for accepting to torch the bones, if I had known—“ “Exactly, Erwin. You had no idea it was going to burn me down to ashes. Besides, I made that choice and you don’t see me regretting it, do you?” I was starting to get angry. No matter how long I had managed to keep my calm for before this happened, I noticed I was starting to become as short tempered as Eren. He was either detaining on me, or I was just _that_ changed. Hanji sighed.

“Levi… you barely sleep more than three hours as week, your nightmares won’t stop and you’re losing way too much weight! You need to talk it over with someone.”

Talk it over? Does it seem to people like I’m just going through fucking baby blues and I can just easily recover from _this_? I tried not to get too worked up by that, but I couldn’t help it. I just hope this shot glass doesn’t break in my hand.

“Talk it over? Seriously? With _who_? And what would that change? As far as I know, you haven’t been to hell and the last thing I want to do is think about it.” Erwin cleared his throat. “Perhaps not. But you’ve been weakened by Asmodeus, you _cannot_ go on like this. No matter how much salt you use or how many pentacle tattoos and items you have, they’ll manage to make it through to you and you won’t survive this one. We won’t always be here to protect you and Eren can’t do anything for you either, since I imagine you don’t want him involved with any of this.” I heard the front door open and close. _That must be Eren, damn it. He doesn’t need to hear or know any of this._ I had no time to answer him. Granted, he was right, any low level demon could possess me effortlessly. I had to get better, but I had another issue on my mind at the moment.

I got up and pointed at the door. “If you’ll excuse me, I have an innocent boyfriend to spend time with so if you could _please_ get the hell out of my house, thanks.” Erwin got up first, taking a little while to look me up and down and sighed, followed by Hanji who gave me puppy eyes. Jesus Christ, these two.

“Hanji? What are you guys doing here?” _Crap._

I was hoping he wouldn’t say anything, or that he would be in the kitchen or in the living room, or anywhere except the corridor. I hurried and ran behind them as fast as my scrawny legs could manage, and made it before Hanji could speak a word. “They were just passing by the check up on me and now they’re leaving to go back to minding their own business. Right?”

“ _Riiiight_ … but why is he topless?” Eren pointed at Erwin, who seemed to have just noticed his stark nakedness. “Oh, yeah, my shirt, I think it should be done drying by now. I’ll go fetch it so we can leave. Nice seeing you again, Eren.” He gave him a ceremonious, cold smile and pulled Hanji away before she could jump on Eren or do anything of the sort.

Eren turned around, looking all kinds of confused. Here comes the rain of questions. “What happened?” He stood in the middle of the hall, arms crossed and eyes locked on me. That was more concise than I had imagined. “Just the usual. Checking up on me and keeping me up to date with demon world gossip. What do you want for dinner?”

I tried to change the subject and prayed he wouldn’t notice. But he went right along with it. “Hmm, I don’t want something that takes too much time to make, I’m starving. Grilled turkey and mashed potatoes, maybe?”

\---

I nibbled lightly on my plate as I watched Eren gulp down his dinner and get up for second servings. I started feeling jealous of his appetite. As much as I didn’t find food to be a necessity for me at the moment, I wanted to be able to eat it. But something about my body made food taste… flat. It tasted like nothing, so I couldn’t enjoy it nor find any use to it. Whiskey still gave me the kick I needed to remind myself that I was alive, so I still enjoyed that.

These symptoms were really weird, there was nothing like that in any book I looked up. I was wondering if it had anything to do with hell. It definitely had to do with coming back to life. “You haven’t even touched your plate, Levi.” I snapped out of my thoughts and ran a hand over my face. “Yeah. I don’t feel too hungry right now. You can have my share if you’re still hungry, I’ll go watch some TV before bed.” I let myself fall on the couch with my glass of wine, zapping the channels to try and find something interesting enough to watch. I ended up settling for a documentary about Christianity. _So many of these, lately, it’s annoying._

“Wow. Honestly, of all things, I wouldn’t have imagined you’d stick with a documentary about religion.” Eren sat – more like, jumped – next to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. I chuckled at him and focused on the TV. I could feel he was staring at me, but rather than telling him to stop, I could just ignore it. He would look away eventually.

“Okay. I can’t take it, give me that!” He yanked the remote from my hand to turn the TV off and my glass to put it on the table. “Eren, _what the fuck_?”

“Don’t give me that, Levi. You haven’t eaten anything since you got back, you’ve lost so much weight I doubt you could survive another week, and you look so fragile I wouldn’t be surprised if the wind blew you away. What’s going on?”

His eyes mapped me up and down, trying to read me. I was honestly surprised at his reaction, exploding like that out of nowhere. I had to tell him at some point, though. Hanji was probably right, I had to talk it over with someone, and they knew I wouldn’t tell them anything because they would never let me help with the hunts again. And I wouldn’t tell Eren either because he would be on my ass all day long with his worrying and bossing me around to get better. I didn’t need that on top of everything.

“Fine. You wanted to know how I died, so I will tell you. And don’t you dare regret it afterwards.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... cliffhanger.  
> I didn't want this chapter to drag on for way too long. But then again the next chapter might be too short... DILEMMAS. -pulls out hairs-  
> I tried not to make Levi cuss too much so there's only so much vulgarity I added when he gets pissed (aka when I feel like he needs it). xD
> 
> I really hope it's not too much, I don't want to make him swear too much. ;;


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren now knows how Levi died, and he ends up at the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 4 months since the last update, woah. I'm sorry (?).  
> College started, life got in the way but I finally managed to update this, hallelujah. 
> 
> There might only be another chapter left to finish this series, and I'm not sure if I'm going to post a 'bad ending' chapter as a follow up or a separate post. Yes, _I know_ , a bad ending isn't really what you expect from fanfics, but I was inspired to write a... ahem, depressing version of this chapter, so there will be one. Don't hate me pls. ♥
> 
>  
> 
> _Eren's POV_

I gave in and let him have the rest of the whiskey bottle, before he jumped at my throat and ripped it out with his teeth.

Levi chugged down two more shots before settling on one end of the couch, arching one eyebrow. With a sigh, he put his glass on the coffee table and crossed his arms. He shifted his balance quite a few times before speaking.

“I already explained how possession works, right?”I nodded, wondering why he was still dodging the question. Or maybe he wasn’t. “Good, so just keep all you know in mind. When I was brought to that chair and Erwin strapped my arms down, I felt relieved. He was finally going to exorcise the son of a bitch, or at least I _thought_ he would. He was experienced with that, I believed he would have found a way to extract him without harming my body…well, I was dead anyway, it wouldn’t have changed anything.

“My body was so broken. My spine was shattered, my heart beaten to a mush. Logic says I shouldn’t even have been alive long enough to assist to my _torching_ but, you see, demons are assholes. Asmodeus, or whatever its name was, kept my soul trapped until it took me down with it.”

He stared off away from me, huffing with a smirk. I’ve seen Levi get moody before, but right now he just looked…mad.

“So. Like I said, the concept of exorcism was forgotten about. Instead Erwin decided to go for a myth. We'd been hearing about how torching the bones of a demon would effectively kill it for good; but you had to find the body that hosted the untwisted soul, and that's a load of crap work on its own. I don't even know how he managed to find the bones of a demon so old but I honestly could not give a shit at that point.

"So he dropped a bag of bones in front of the chair and I felt the demon almost waver and tremble inside me. It didn’t think any hunter would even risk tempting a lore that has never been proven effective, or that the demon itself would fear for its life. It started insulting Erwin and Hanji and laughing at them in fear, as you could imagine. But we had no other choice. I accepted it, hah. I was dead anyway, it wouldn’t have changed anything, right?

“Well, the only thing that came out of it apart from my death obviously was that they bore the burden since then. And they still do.”Levi sighed, ran a hand through his hair –which he never does –, and poured himself yet another glass. He chugged it down and kept the glass in his hand, turning it around to look at and through it. “As for how I died, I felt my body burn. Every single inch of skin. My skin was melting off my face, horrible.”

Another shot.

“Oh by the way, demonic possession numbs pain. I knew my bones were broken and my insides were all mixed up, but it didn’t hurt.”

Another one.

“Except for that split second where it left my body.”

He loudly dropped the glass on the table and left.

\---

I feel like a truck just ran me over.

My vision was dark and blurry, ever so slowly going back to normal as my conscience slipped back into action. I wriggled my fingers and toes to try to get some feeling back into them, but it didn't work. Trying to move my arms was like trying to run through molasses, tiring and unfeasible.

My limbs were cold, numb. I was paralyzed and difficultly breathing. And alone. There was no one around me. Soon as my vision got clear enough, I tried to lift my head and turn it to look around me but I was stopped by how heavy it felt, and by the neck brace I seemed to be wearing. All I saw was a white ceiling, which I supposed was for a hospital room, but I couldn't hear anything, not even the EKG machine that nudged its way through to the corner of my field of vision. So I was either deaf, or alone. Being alone didn't really alarm me, not having Levi around me is what freaked me out. And a panic attack wasn't really helping me.

Through hyperventilating and feeling my legs grow colder, I tried to remember what had happened to me, so maybe I would be able to know where Levi is and why he wasn't by my side.

The last thing I remember is going to _our_ room, shaken up by Levi's cold attitude and how indifferently he had told me about the way he died. From then on, it's a blank. All that comes back to me are what I could only call snippets of something I probably did: took the car to the city, made dinner, took a shower; my memory was a jumbled mess with no time markers or resemblance of a purpose for whatever it is I did.

Right about now I wish I could move my hand and inject myself a dose of morphine, just so I could stop the pounding in my head and all the pain I felt from not knowing what in God's name had happened to me. But I guess I may not need to, as I was slowly drifting back into unconsciousness, or maybe sleep, I couldn't tell the difference.

\---

"... spinal shock... terminal paralysis, but... will recover."

A slight buzz in my ears woke me up, adding even more weight to my confusion from earlier. I couldn't open my eyes yet, as much as I wished to, because people were finally coming into the room. The doctor was apparently talking to someone else in the room, because I could hear them closely, muffling the beeping sound of the EKG machine next to me. The other person spoke and my heart sank in my chest.

"So... he will be okay?"

Levi. His voice was shaky and weary, nothing to do with the fact that he smoked a lot. I had never seen him like this before, even coming back from the dead didn't shake him up that much. I heard the sound of shuffling textile, which I guessed the doctor's hand on Levi's shoulder, in an attempt to reassure him. I expect him to push her away, since he didn't like strangers touching him, but he didn't budge and let her finish before she went on with her explanation.

"As I said, he will recover. It will take time and he will be in a wheelchair for a handful weeks, but he will definitely be able to walk again. Be patient, you will be rewarded."

She must have left the room, because I heard Levi let out an exhausted sigh and a chair move around. I wanted nothing more than to shift my neck to face him, open my eyes to see him, and speak out his name to let him know I'm okay - well, the best I could possibly be.

But all I could do was pass out again, still too tired to do anything.

\---

I woke up again, and this time the room was tinted in orange. I have no idea how long I've been here, or when I even came in, but I doubt it made much of a difference that it was the afternoon now. I felt good enough to be able to move my head, so I turned around and took a good, long look at Levi while his eyes were focused on the window.

There is no other way to say it, he looked like shit. Bloodshot eyes, deep and dark bags under them, he looked more on the verge of death than I felt, which is ironic knowing the situation in which he came back to me. I noticed his hair was greasy, which I'd never seen before; it was washed and clean-cut even when he came back, so there's no telling just how distraught he was. His legs were elevated, feet rested on the stretcher of his chair, an elbow on every knee and his mouth hidden behind his slim, bony fingers.

I gather that he was crying, but I can't guess the reason since there are so many to choose from. So I set out to actually use my voice, after however long I've been silent for.

"Le... vi..."

Shit, my voice sounded weaker and more hoarse than I'd expected it to, and trying to cough felt like I was breaking even more bones in my body, something that I did not seem to assess earlier. Levi, however, was so startled that his right foot slipped off the stretcher when he turned around to look at me. His hands rushed to meet mine, and this might be a hyperbole but I could swear I had never felt anything warmer than the touch of his skin against mine at that moment.

"Shh, don't talk too much, you'll exhaust your voice," he urged me to lay my head back down on the pillow, soothingly caressing my temple with his thumb. He brought my hand up to his mouth and kissed it gently, resting his lips on the back of it. "You don't need to talk, I'm just glad you're okay now."

I could tell a smile was carving itself on his face, fat, pearly tears rolling down his cheeks. If I was smiling at all, I hoped he could actually see it. Nothing in the world should've pushed me to ruin this moment, as it wasn't perfect or ideal, but it was comfortable, and something in me felt I ought to ruin it. I needed to know what had happened to me.

"What... happened..." My voice was still croaky and rough, it felt like breathing through hot sand. Levi's face immediately grew alarmed. He leaned closer to ruffle my hair and slowly stroke my cheek. "I don't want to talk about it right now, I'll tell you everything that happened once you feel better and more rested, okay?"

I really did not want to wait, but I knew I could trust him to do as he said as soon as I got better. At this rate, I'd be glad if they'd discharged me only after 3 days. Or not, I didn't know how or if Levi was going to revert back to the state he was in before. I didn't like it, and he seemed so much more alive right now than during the entire month that he's been back, sad as it may be to admit that. He cried, smiled, trembled, he was much more of a human being than I've seen of him lately.

"If I could kiss you right now..." he chuckled and bit his lip, trying to keep a calm and serious face. "I reckon I haven't been the best boyfriend lately. I'm sorry... I won't make an ass out of you again and say it's because I came back from the dead. You needed me the past two years and I wasn't there for you when you... needed me the most."

I sighed. Not in exasperation, but in relief. I tried to etch a smile on my face to the best of my ability, I was too weak to do anything, but I didn't care. If that used up the last of my energy, it was worth it. I wanted him to know... I'm not really sure what the message was that I wanted to tell, but it was positive, and that's all I needed.

\---

Six days later, I could finally leave that building. Sure, I've been taken out for walks - more of a ride through the park in a wheelchair, really - but now I could finally go back home.

I couldn't tell you just how good it felt to lie down on a king bed and stretch myself all over it. Well... okay, I still couldn't move my legs but it felt good nonetheless. Levi had arranged for Erwin to help me get in and out of bed, since he felt he couldn't manage to do it on his own.

"I'm not strong enough to do that everyday until you're better," he said, and I could see how annoyed he was with the situation. "That's what 10 years in hell do to you, I guess," Erwin tried to humor him on how weak his body was, but it didn't quite work as well as he'd expected. All he got was a groan and an annoyed stare, usually signifying that Levi wanted you to shut the fuck up.

"10 years in hell? What do you mean?" I'm surprised I didn't ask the question right away. Maybe I was still tired from going in and out of sleep whenever my body felt the whim. I arched an eyebrow at Levi, watching him from the sofa as he put away dirty dishes in the kitchen. He walked up to me and sat on the carpeted floor, crossing his legs underneath him. "It's only an estimate, but every hour down there felt like days and days of torture, fire and pain. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?"

I didn't think of asking him about that, about his time _there_. It didn't strike me to ask about what he'd done while he was 'dead', and now I felt like crap about it. I couldn't even begin to imagine what pain he went through and I blamed him for not being his proper self after he came back. It definitely showed on my face, because Levi immediately grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips, leaving soft kisses on the back of it, before I even managed to squeeze out a tear or two. "Hey, I'm here now. I can't just wake up one day and have no nightmares or visions about hell, but I'll manage. I'll talk whenever I need to. I won't keep everything to myself anymore like I did so far, that was a stupid thing to do and it hurt you more than it hurt me. I promise, I won't clam up around you, okay?"

His voice was as calm as a whisper can go, probably the smoothest it has ever been. I nodded slightly, relieved to hear I will be able to help him out, if only a little. Erwin stood at the threshold of the kitchen, watching us. I couldn't read his expression, not that he usually had many, but it was disconcerting. I wondered just what he did with his free time; he would live with us for the time being until I could walk again, but he was a hunter. Wouldn't he be a _beacon_ for demons by staying here for so long?

"You still haven't told me what put me in the hospital."

Levi let out an exaggerated sigh, and I could tell he definitely did not want to talk about it. But he promised, and I wasn't going to let it slip and heal without even knowing why I was broken up in the first place. Erwin's voice took me by surprise. "You were possessed by a demon, Focalor. Well... _Lucifuge Rofocal_ to be precise. It was chasing Levi for a while, but why, we still don't know. I'm guessing it just needed information because no resistance was shown when I exorcised it, but that in itself is weird because that demon is very highly ranked in hell, close enough to Lucifer to be one of the first converted souls..." he crossed his arms and frowned at the floor, as if pondering the question for the first time.

I laughed, although very bitterly, at his lack of decency. "Maybe it didn't trust its subordinates enough to do the job?" The whole idea sounded really funny to me. Of course I understood why he needed to know any of that, but couldn't he have focused on my health? Or whether I had gotten out of it without any complication? He was here especially _because_ I got possessed and beaten to a pulp, but he didn't give a shit about it, it seems. Levi looked at me firmly, as if trying to water down my anger. I already had a bad aftertaste of my first time meeting Erwin; today did no better at changing my opinion of him.

"You're actually not that far off. Demons are just twisted human souls, in the end." He gave my hand a little squeeze and turned to look at Erwin. "Some of them I met down there, and I can tell they were pretty fucking dumb when they were still alive." Being praised helped to calm me down a little, and I felt like Levi was paying so much more attention to me than he ever did before, leaving me to think I'm somehow stealing his thunder. After all, he's only been back for a month and a few more days, and that wasn't fair from me and to him. But that didn't seem to bother him at all.Rather, he almost liked it. He  _wanted_ to take care of me more than ever before, and that had to be triggered by me almost dying. I wanted to feel sad about it; after all, I only earned his full and complete attention because I was too weak to fend for myself. But then again, he was busy working to save other people's lives. Selfish really isn't the _right_ way to feel about this, I should just be glad that I'm at the center of his attention now...

"You got run over by a bus in front of the district library. We still don’t know how that happened, the demon stayed in you until Erwin exorcized it at the hospital. It didn’t leave until you were safe… I don't understand why, but you're alive. I don't care about anything else right now." I couldn't even be mad at him anymore, not with the way he was looking at me, not with those adoring eyes of his.

"Do you have any idea why they would still be going after you?" Erwin asked, once again completely dismissing even the sole purpose of him being in our living room. Levi shook his head with a chuckle, the kind of reaction he gives people when they ask stupid questions. Seeing as that was directed towards Erwin, I couldn't help but feel _very_ satisfied. "Don't you think that the simple idea of a dead man resurfacing would be enough to scramble up the _peace_ in Hell? I still don't know what or who brought me back, and that's probably what they want to know. If there's anything out there powerful enough to revive a body with a soul that spent years and years in hell, I think they're in their right place to be scared and want to know whatever the fuck it is that brought me back; to this day, _I_ myself am still questioning the existence of something that isn't demons."

Soothingly caressing the back of my hand, Levi looked back at me with comforting eyes. "Do you remember anything at all from before you woke up?" _Finally_ someone gave a crap about me. "No, all I remember is getting into the car, taking a shower... trivial stuff like that." My answer disappointed me probably more than it disappointed them both. "Do you feel alright? Aside from your legs, I mean." Levi frowned a little, probably expecting a negative answer.

I had to think about it though. All I felt was a slight buzz in my ears whenever Levi was nearby, and it started getting fainter and fainter every day that passed. So I told him exactly that, and Erwin let out an exasperated sigh. "That probably has to do with the fact that you were both possessed. It goes without saying that hosting a demon is bound to leave some damage, but it's very benign most of the time so it's nothing to worry about. Glad you're doing okay, Eren."

"Yeah. Happy to know you care," I said in the most flat voice I could manage. He took it as a cue to leave, heading for the library to do some more research on demons, probably. Levi broke out into a laugh, and I couldn't help but smile at him. "What?"

"It's funny to see just how much you hate him. What has he ever done to you?"

I bit my lower lip. "Nothing, really... I just don't like him. His face always looks like he's concocting an evil plan under that Hollywoodian hair of his. And the eyebrows don't help."

And that was enough to throw him on his back, shoulders shaking from laughter. I'd never seen him laugh this hard, not for the 5 years that I've known him. It's strange what death will do to you. Looking at him was so heart-warming, though. I _had_ to smile at him giggling on the floor like a 5 year old.

I think, for the first time in his life, there's nothing clouding his mind right now.

That made my heart grow too big for my chest.


End file.
